Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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