its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
two words: eviction party
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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