tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
