Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
