Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
