at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
