I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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