I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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