Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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