I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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