Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
