The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
