We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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