I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
