im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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