I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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