I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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