I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
