We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize