Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just cropdusted the office
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
