I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
