were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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