I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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