You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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