I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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