He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
