there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
