The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
