Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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