theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
