Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
