After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
be right there i have to get my cape
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
