paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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