Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
