I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
