420 ftw
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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