Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
