Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
