saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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