it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
