I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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