In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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