So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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