I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize