Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
