I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
