this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
