You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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