Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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