dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
