what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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