I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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