I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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