Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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