Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
