Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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