I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
