I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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