is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
