no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
