Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm passing your future prison.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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