I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
