my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
