Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
