he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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