Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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