i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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